The Fear of Being Known

                As humans, we seem to be driven by two competing desires: (1) to be known, and (2) to remain hidden. We want people to know us, and we don’t. We mask our true selves, only to lament that no one really understands us. We crave intimacy, but fear and avoid it like the plague. Doesn’t it seem ridiculous? We want so badly to be known for who we really are, and yet we seldom will make ourselves that vulnerable. Silly as it all seems, there is a simple explanation. We need only go back to the first sin, in Genesis 3, to find out what it is we fear. When the first couple sinned, they realized they were naked and exposed to God. Since God could now see who they truly were (as if he couldn’t before), they hid themselves. And we’ve been doing it ever since, and for the same reason: Fear of exposing our failings (or perceived failings). It is our own sense of inadequacy that causes us to continually hide our true selves from one another, and from God. And yet in our craving for love and acceptance, we long to be known for who we truly are.

And yet to hide from God is futile. In one of David’s most beautiful Psalms (Psa 139), he writes, “O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, and are intimately acquainted with all my ways” (vs.1-3). He goes on to speak of the impossibility of being concealed from God’s sight (vs.7-12). God knows us from the moment when he formed us in the womb (vs.13-16). This is one of the most beloved Psalms because it speaks to our longing to be known, while reassuring us in our fear of that very thing. Nothing could be more comforting than to know that God knows us for who we truly are—and loves us still. It is not the exposure of our failures and shortcomings (sins) that we fear, but rather the rejection that might result. But because we can be confident in God’s unconditional love, we need not hide ourselves from him.

But doesn’t sin separate us from God? Of course it does (Isa 59.2). But if that is true, then how can it be comforting to know that God knows us so thoroughly, that he knows our every thought, and thus even our most secret sins? First, I wonder if it is not so much that my sin causes God to reject me, as it is me to reject God. That is, in my fear of exposing the real me I turn away from God, and that is what causes the separation. If he already knows who I am, however, and loves me still, then I have nothing to fear. I do not mean to suggest that we need not fear God’s judgment if we remain unrepentant of our sin, for God is also a consuming fire (Heb 10.27; 12.29). But we need not fear fully admitting our sin to God (1 Jn 1.9). We need not fear exposing ourselves to God. On the contrary, the only way to be receive God’s love is to fully confess who we really are and turn to him for forgiveness in Christ (1 Jn 1.9). If we are in Christ, than he knows us in the fullest sense of the word, in the sense of relationship. The most fearful thing, then, is not to be known, but rather to be not known (Mt 7.21-23). That would be the greatest tragedy of all.

©  2007 Randy Hohf