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The Affectionate Agape of Christ

As you may know, in the original language of the New Testament (Greek) there are several different words for love, the two most common being agape and phileo. Agape love is the best known of the two, so well-known in fact that we often use the Greek term agape almost as an English word. Agape is said to be the highest form of love, since it is a love of the will, the kind of love that you can (and should) even have for your enemies. It is unconditional, and unaffected by the emotions. Phileo love, on the other hand, is more a feeling kind of love, such as the natural affection between friends or siblings. In its verb form it can even mean “kiss” (Mt 26.48), while in its noun form it is often translated “friend.” But because it is so based on feelings, phileo love is often considered to be a lower form of love than agape. In a sense that may be true, as suggested for example by the interplay of agape and phileo in Jesus’ exchange with Peter in Jn 21.15-17 (though this is lost in the English translation). Feelings (and thus, the thinking goes, phileo love) can be ephemeral, conditional, and unreliable. Agape, being a love of the choice and the will, is unconditional, and more of an action than a feeling. We might not feel very loving toward our enemies (or for that matter some of our "friends"), but we must act in love toward them anyway. This is agape, the kind of love Jesus had when he died for us while we were yet sinners (Rom 5.6-10).

But I would like to suggest that perhaps phileo love (affection, fondness) has been unjustly maligned, or at least sold short (as is likewise true of feelings in general). The NT gives phileo a place of great importance, and while it may be a different kind of love than agape, it is no less significant or meaningful. On the contrary, it is as much a part of the love of God as is agape. For example, in Jn 5.20 we read that “the Father loves (phileo) the Son….” In Jn 16.27 Jesus says “For the Father himself loves (phileo) you because you have loved (phileo) me….” Jesus loved (phileo) both Lazarus (Jn 11.3,36) and the apostle John (Jn 20.2). He was a “friend” (philos) of the sinners (Mt 11.19), and he promised to call us “friends” (philos) if we do what he commands (Jn 15.14). In Mt 10.37 when Jesus says that anyone who loves father, mother, son, or daughter more than him is not worthy of him, he likewise used the word phileo. Paul closes his first letter to the Corinthians with these words: “If anyone does not love (phileo) the Lord, he is to be accursed. Maranatha” (1 Cor 16.22). And we are to be “lovers of God” (philotheos) rather than “lovers of pleasure” (2 Tim 3.4).

Perhaps the mistake we make is in treating the two kinds of love as if they are separate things, as if you can have one without the other. It’s been said, for example, that nowhere are we commanded to phileo our enemies, though we are commanded to agape them (Mt 5.44). It just seems too much to ask that we feel affectionate or have a fondness towards them, even if we must act in loving ways toward them. But consider this last verse, which is the passage that started me thinking about all this to begin with: “But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind (philanthropos) appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy…through Jesus Christ our Savior” (Tit 3.4-6). Thus, it was not only God’s agape love that sent Jesus to die for us, but equally his phileo love. And that is no mere shallow, ephemeral feeling. God has a deep, abiding affection for mankind—an unconditional feeling, an affectionate agape, you might say.